I took a look in the mirror and I felt a little gutted. I know it’s a feeling that shouldn’t be felt – we should be strong, proud and happy with who we are. But I looked in the mirror and I felt none of those feelings. This past month has flown by and I’ve let myself go. I’m unorganised, I’ve put on lots of weight, I’m not eating properly, I’ve been overspending, overreacting and all of my energy and focus has gone on simply squeezing as many holidays into the rest of the year as I possibly can (totally not a bad thing). I’ve just overall been a little ‘mopey’. On Saturday I decided to eat as much pizza as I could before starting a diet on Monday. It’s now Monday and I’m doing okay (so far anyways!). I just want to feel healthy, which is incredibly hard when I eat so many McDonald’s and fill my evenings with chocolate and coke.
I’ve spent the past week blaming it on all on holiday blues but with a holiday coming up (in 3 weeks time) and a few more booked for the rest of the year, I can’t really pin point that as the problem. Although maybe it is. I have itchy fingers and a major case of the travel bug – I just feel desperate to be going somewhere again. I hate staying still. I can’t do it – I’m so bored in my home town but with petrol, money, school and everything in-between, it’s hard to go somewhere new every other day. If my life was a little different then I’d picture myself traveling with Andrew and Daisy. We’d never come home (apart from to see family regularly) because the road is our home. But obviously life isn’t that simple, especially where money is concerned. I just want to see more, do more, be more. and I know it’s bad because we shouldn’t always be wanting. But surely it’s healthy to thrive to be more.
I’m not sure where this problem stemmed from. I’m not sure what the problem even is. With the terrorist attacks that have happened in the past three months, I feel we’ve become stronger as a nation, but as individuals perhaps a little drained. It’s terrifying. It’s easy to say ‘let’s not be scared, let’s look fear in the face’. But when you’re sat at home and thinking of an excuse to put off your next meeting in London, reality hits. When will this ever stop? I think it just puts life into perspective. One minute it’s there, but the next it could so easily be gone. Nowadays are you ever really safe? Nothing will stop me from traveling. If anything, these attacks have pushed me even more. Life is too short. Make time to nurture your roots, be kind, be caring, be better, eat better, go places, meet people, be unafraid. Just be.