In a world full of so many big characters it can be hard to say or show who you are and how you’re doing. I’m just little ol’ me. I’ve always just been that. I’ve blended into the crowd, spoken when I’ve had a chance to and written my way out of any emotion. I love writing. I’ve always loved it. That’s why I’m so passionate about blogging. I won’t lie, I’m pretty bad at it. I don’t think about the grammar or the way my words sound. Sometimes I don’t even read back to check for spelling errors. I literally pop in some headphones, grab a cup of tea and write exactly what is at the forefront of my mind. Most days? It’s a jumbled mess, and that’s exactly what I write. But once it’s out, I can shut down my laptop and shut down my mind. It clears space for more jumbled mess.
With anxiety, words are hard. They are so fucking hard. I stumble what I say, I don’t say things how I want to say them and I end up sounding stupid. I end up coming across exactly how I’m not. I’ve had people in the past treat me and talk to me as though I’m stupid. or dumb. or ‘not there’. I’m not. And so that’s how this space helps. I can get my words out. I can write them down in the most raw and purest form. Straight from my mind. No interruptions. It’s like talking to yourself, but people actually listen. Blogging is my therapy. I write when I have something to say and I write when I simply need to.
I’m stronger than I believe and I’m stronger than you believe. I won’t let people walk over me – though it may seem like you can. There are some complete idiots in this world, and I’m not one of them. I’m quite fortunate to not know that many. I can’t stand bitchiness, I can’t stand when people talk about people without them being able to have their say. Everyone should be able to speak on their own behalf. We should be empowering each other – not putting each other down. That’s something I want to really teach Daisy – I want her to help people up when they’re down, not kick them. I want her to be the bigger and better person. See that there’s more to life than being horrible about other people.
When you need to talk? you talk to a friend. When she needs to talk? She goes for a run. When he needs to talk? he goes to the gym. When I need to talk? I blog.